oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
