I didn't shave. On purpose
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Randomize
