I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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