you turned your livingroom into a bong?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
