Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
