glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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