I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
