apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
