I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
