Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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