he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
