Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
