So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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