hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
