I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
