I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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