dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
