THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
