somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
my god I love twenty year old dicks
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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