Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
