It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
