I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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