guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Boobs are out for the taking
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
