Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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