4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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