I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
