We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
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