i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
