people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
