dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
