I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
