i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
