sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
