me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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