I need help removing her.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
