I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He passed out mid-signature
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
