oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
