yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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