My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
