When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
