Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
