very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
