so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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