My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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