i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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