if you like me you must not know who I am
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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