Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
