on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
