He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
