Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
